Tell me what it means
These dreams
The crowded house
The endless fall
Flying sometimes
Or not at all


What do bears or wolves represent
Their shadows long
Their teeth crooked


Tell me why I dream of birth
Of new beginnings
Of cubs and pups, frail tiny birds


And what about the nights so black
Where I wake in a sweat
With visions of the dead
A knife in my hand 
A bullet in my stomach
Beheading a man
And running, always running


What do they mean
Are they real or just dreams
Will I come into money
Am I safe when I sleep
Does it mean anything
When I’m naked and shamed
When I sleep with a friend
Can I face them again


You are named Dan
The reader of dreams
You’ve read for the king
You know all our secrets
Please tell me now
Now that I’ve told you
What’s inside my head
Does it mean much to you


Are the symbols just that
Or are they specific
Am I everyone I see
Or are they them and I’m me


I am not a murderer
Adulterer or thief
My desires are innocent
I just want some relief
From the challenging sun
The coded light of day
From the etiquette of normal
Tell me, Dan, am I okay?

Tell me what it means
These dreams
The crowded house
The endless fall
Flying sometimes
Or not at all


What do bears or wolves represent
Their shadows long
Their teeth crooked


Tell me why I dream of birth
Of new beginnings
Of cubs and pups, frail tiny birds


And what about the nights so black
Where I wake in a sweat
With visions of the dead
A knife in my hand
A bullet in my stomach
Beheading a man
And running, always running


What do they mean
Are they real or just dreams
Will I come into money
Am I safe when I sleep
Does it mean anything
When I’m naked and shamed
When I sleep with a friend
Can I face them again


You are named Dan
The reader of dreams
You’ve read for the king
You know all our secrets
Please tell me now
Now that I’ve told you
What’s inside my head
Does it mean much to you


Are the symbols just that
Or are they specific
Am I everyone I see
Or are they them and I’m me


I am not a murderer
Adulterer or thief
My desires are innocent
I just want some relief
From the challenging sun
The coded light of day
From the etiquette of normal
Tell me, Dan, am I okay?

posted 5 months ago and tagged as Dan poem angie hart
Today is the last day of my, ‘A Month Of posts. Finishing exactly seven days after the month of January, I am late, and more than happy with the work that I’ve done. I feel positively, well… positive!
It wouldn’t appear that I did, judging from most of the material that I’ve been purging onto the screen, but I think it’s all been towards great end. For me, at least. Apologies if it got a little dark in there. So, now you are well acquainted with the inside of my head. Nice place to visit…
I have learned to use my time and my creative output differently over the past month (and one week). Perhaps, because of the bleak nature of what I was exploring, I learned to get comfortable with letting whatever wanted to be written come out. It was quite difficult, at first, knowing that anyone could read this vulnerable, self-oriented stuff. After the first week, I was in so much doubt, that I nearly called it off. I decided to give it a few more days, as I had known that the project would be messy for me, not some well crafted pop song to please people. It got better. Or I got used to it.

Thank you for going there with me. I’ve had such great feedback in the form of comments, letters, quotes, and especially having the solidarity and inspiration of participants working alongside me, doing their own project for the month. I have enjoyed the sharing, interactive nature of what we all created.

Let’s do it again soon!

Love to you, 

Angie x

Today is the last day of my, ‘A Month Of posts. Finishing exactly seven days after the month of January, I am late, and more than happy with the work that I’ve done. I feel positively, well… positive!
It wouldn’t appear that I did, judging from most of the material that I’ve been purging onto the screen, but I think it’s all been towards great end. For me, at least. Apologies if it got a little dark in there. So, now you are well acquainted with the inside of my head. Nice place to visit…
I have learned to use my time and my creative output differently over the past month (and one week). Perhaps, because of the bleak nature of what I was exploring, I learned to get comfortable with letting whatever wanted to be written come out. It was quite difficult, at first, knowing that anyone could read this vulnerable, self-oriented stuff. After the first week, I was in so much doubt, that I nearly called it off. I decided to give it a few more days, as I had known that the project would be messy for me, not some well crafted pop song to please people. It got better. Or I got used to it.

Thank you for going there with me. I’ve had such great feedback in the form of comments, letters, quotes, and especially having the solidarity and inspiration of participants working alongside me, doing their own project for the month. I have enjoyed the sharing, interactive nature of what we all created.

Let’s do it again soon!

Love to you,

Angie x

So simple that it’s hard
You think it, it’s far from your grasp
So difficult to break it all down
Acid in a jar, oil spill, toxic meltdown
Disaster
Words in the wrong order
Boss me around, upend the real story
Tell it like it isn’t
So loud
It’s got to be true
So simple that, well, it’s complicated
Unknot the dread lock
I don’t look forward to anything
Make a list
Bullet points
Bang bang bang
I got it good
Nailed the sucker
You won’t be needing this anymore
A pumping bloody heart, beats in my palm
Stop!
This is not how it goes
Sure, I’ve got to take charge
But no one had to be broken apart 
Pro-activism is for introverts
Assertiveness is for chickens
Just step out on that rope that is strung
From here to the other side
And back again
It’s not worth it unless it’s in real time.

So simple that it’s hard
You think it, it’s far from your grasp
So difficult to break it all down
Acid in a jar, oil spill, toxic meltdown
Disaster
Words in the wrong order
Boss me around, upend the real story
Tell it like it isn’t
So loud
It’s got to be true
So simple that, well, it’s complicated
Unknot the dread lock
I don’t look forward to anything
Make a list
Bullet points
Bang bang bang
I got it good
Nailed the sucker
You won’t be needing this anymore
A pumping bloody heart, beats in my palm
Stop!
This is not how it goes
Sure, I’ve got to take charge
But no one had to be broken apart
Pro-activism is for introverts
Assertiveness is for chickens
Just step out on that rope that is strung
From here to the other side
And back again
It’s not worth it unless it’s in real time.

(Source: words-and-music)

And so it’s back to digging
Unearthing
Dusting off
And moving on
Everything matters
It just can’t be all the time
A high functioning what?
Shit
Digging some more
Shifting dirt
From one pile 
To another
Through the sieve
Tiny gems
Minerals
Precious mettle
Tests positive
Toughness reigns
To make you soft
When you have gone a little further
Down the road 
And round the corner
You will find a quieter time
A gentleness that won’t be hard
You’ll be protected
By being disarmed
It won’t hurt a bit
And you won’t be alarmed
Hang in there
My good and my true
You
You won’t morph into a moth
Or a happy wanderer
But you’ll lose that old shell
And one day you’ll be gone
All shimmering
And chimera
Shifting in the rays
Settling lightly
On a leaf or a petal
You’ll be like a feather
Held together by particles
Unseen to the eye
Both resilient and fragile
Waterproof and like the wind itself
Take to the blue
Dive or fly
Nothing can touch you
Now that you’ve become light.

And so it’s back to digging
Unearthing
Dusting off
And moving on
Everything matters
It just can’t be all the time
A high functioning what?
Shit
Digging some more
Shifting dirt
From one pile
To another
Through the sieve
Tiny gems
Minerals
Precious mettle
Tests positive
Toughness reigns
To make you soft
When you have gone a little further
Down the road
And round the corner
You will find a quieter time
A gentleness that won’t be hard
You’ll be protected
By being disarmed
It won’t hurt a bit
And you won’t be alarmed
Hang in there
My good and my true
You
You won’t morph into a moth
Or a happy wanderer
But you’ll lose that old shell
And one day you’ll be gone
All shimmering
And chimera
Shifting in the rays
Settling lightly
On a leaf or a petal
You’ll be like a feather
Held together by particles
Unseen to the eye
Both resilient and fragile
Waterproof and like the wind itself
Take to the blue
Dive or fly
Nothing can touch you
Now that you’ve become light.

(Source: words-and-music)

Sit with it
Discomfort
Let the itch
Irritate
Let down be down
Don’t go with it
Observe the up
From the underside
Enjoy the ride
Enjoy the ride
Enjoy the ride
Follow the train
From the same place again
Watch it leave
And stay behind
The journey is the destination
That’s what you will find
Enjoy the silence
Enjoy the silence 
Enjoy the silence
The most unknown
Is where you don’t go
Travelling within
Can be darker than night
Seeking enlightenment
What a funny thing to say
When you’re searching the soul
And there’s no guiding light
Enjoy the ride
Enjoy the ride
Enjoy the ride.

Sit with it
Discomfort
Let the itch
Irritate
Let down be down
Don’t go with it
Observe the up
From the underside
Enjoy the ride
Enjoy the ride
Enjoy the ride
Follow the train
From the same place again
Watch it leave
And stay behind
The journey is the destination
That’s what you will find
Enjoy the silence
Enjoy the silence
Enjoy the silence
The most unknown
Is where you don’t go
Travelling within
Can be darker than night
Seeking enlightenment
What a funny thing to say
When you’re searching the soul
And there’s no guiding light
Enjoy the ride
Enjoy the ride
Enjoy the ride.

Through their great and sometimes painful grasp of what it is to be human, some artists connect in a way that makes me feel that I know them, or that they know me. That they share this same air with me. That they feel the same intensity about life as I do. That they have an empathy and a compassion for those that try to do more than just exist. That they are trying to do more than just exist, themselves. For all of these reasons which really only add up to one incredibly moving reason, that they have made that connection with so many of us, losing them is felt so deeply. 

You can love and admire someone you’ve never met. You can be moved or have your world made better by their existence. It is a reminder to strive for more of these qualities in yourself, to know that these qualities make a difference. That if you have felt known and understood by someone you have never met, then surely this is worth it.

Through their great and sometimes painful grasp of what it is to be human, some artists connect in a way that makes me feel that I know them, or that they know me. That they share this same air with me. That they feel the same intensity about life as I do. That they have an empathy and a compassion for those that try to do more than just exist. That they are trying to do more than just exist, themselves. For all of these reasons which really only add up to one incredibly moving reason, that they have made that connection with so many of us, losing them is felt so deeply.

You can love and admire someone you’ve never met. You can be moved or have your world made better by their existence. It is a reminder to strive for more of these qualities in yourself, to know that these qualities make a difference. That if you have felt known and understood by someone you have never met, then surely this is worth it.

You can be so careful
You can know thyself
Take every precaution
Every safety measure
And you can fall
You can know you were going to
And still it happens
You can only watch
Witness
Pretend that you can learn from this
Because you can’t 
Take notes
See patterns
Read the charts
Make a map
Plot the path
Predict the weather
Take an umbrella
Wear a hat
Wear them out
Talk about it
When it falls
You will be caught
Unaware
Unprotected
Out of control
Always
Out of control
Falling
Sometimes
Floating the next
You know
But you don’t 
Don’t you?
No
The same can be said for flying
All this care
These life jackets
The ropes
Tying you down
They may hold you down
You might drown
All of these things may happen
And one day you will die
That is certain
So why not free-fall
Why not be there when the wind wants
Why not?
The difference is none
Why not go out in wings
And flippers
Why not wear nothing at all
This pretence of holding on
Has weighed on you
The lines are clear
Your face is old
Take some risks
Let the rain in
Be under the lightning
Get out of this
Get into everything
Stare at the sun 
Be slippery
Be undone.

You can be so careful
You can know thyself
Take every precaution
Every safety measure
And you can fall
You can know you were going to
And still it happens
You can only watch
Witness
Pretend that you can learn from this
Because you can’t
Take notes
See patterns
Read the charts
Make a map
Plot the path
Predict the weather
Take an umbrella
Wear a hat
Wear them out
Talk about it
When it falls
You will be caught
Unaware
Unprotected
Out of control
Always
Out of control
Falling
Sometimes
Floating the next
You know
But you don’t
Don’t you?
No
The same can be said for flying
All this care
These life jackets
The ropes
Tying you down
They may hold you down
You might drown
All of these things may happen
And one day you will die
That is certain
So why not free-fall
Why not be there when the wind wants
Why not?
The difference is none
Why not go out in wings
And flippers
Why not wear nothing at all
This pretence of holding on
Has weighed on you
The lines are clear
Your face is old
Take some risks
Let the rain in
Be under the lightning
Get out of this
Get into everything
Stare at the sun
Be slippery
Be undone.

Gratitude
It’s not just a word
Sometimes you feel it
Like a rush of blood
To the heart
To the head
Healing
Refreshing
Memories turned sweet
Gift of love
Generous love
You can hold it
For some time
Wings
It gives to you
It gives as you are receiving it
A cup that never empties
A cascade in your hand
Abundant love
Thank you
I am grateful.

Gratitude
It’s not just a word
Sometimes you feel it
Like a rush of blood
To the heart
To the head
Healing
Refreshing
Memories turned sweet
Gift of love
Generous love
You can hold it
For some time
Wings
It gives to you
It gives as you are receiving it
A cup that never empties
A cascade in your hand
Abundant love
Thank you
I am grateful.

Say something
Say anything
Dip a toe
That’s all
You might get bit
It could hurt
Nothing you haven’t
Felt before
So scared
So scared
Frightened
In fact
Cannot see forward
So tired of going back
Hellish high water 
Falling over rocks
Dragging me over
Coals and ice 
To get here
It’s really not so bad
This trial by extremes
A kind of numbing
I suppose
Shredding my tires 
Without meaning it
Reversing over spikes
They can be replaced
Yes
I’ve got to learn somehow
Go on
Dip a toe
Dip a toe
You’ll only get wet
It could be great
You’ll never know
The pain of not moving
Hurts more than standing still
At least I get a choice 
Not to go
But this is worse
I am frozen
On fire
Burning 
Crystalised
Set by stones
Pummelled
Punctured
Prone
To injury
I guess
We all have this flesh
It’s softer than you think
It hardly keeps us in
It’s purpose is to breathe
Not hold back battalions
I imagine that’s important
In the larger scheme 
I wish a were an armadillo
All ‘arma’ 
No pillow
You’d need a password
To get me to unfurl
Something like
“It’s safe to come out”
Simple
Yet 
Effective
We are so soft
All seams and cloth
It all gets in
It tears
It’s rough
God speed, Evolution
Make us tough
Until then
Is a long
Long
Time
The harm is done
So there’s none in trying
Dip a toe
Dip a toe
Dip a toe.

Say something
Say anything
Dip a toe
That’s all
You might get bit
It could hurt
Nothing you haven’t
Felt before
So scared
So scared
Frightened
In fact
Cannot see forward
So tired of going back
Hellish high water
Falling over rocks
Dragging me over
Coals and ice
To get here
It’s really not so bad
This trial by extremes
A kind of numbing
I suppose
Shredding my tires
Without meaning it
Reversing over spikes
They can be replaced
Yes
I’ve got to learn somehow
Go on
Dip a toe
Dip a toe
You’ll only get wet
It could be great
You’ll never know
The pain of not moving
Hurts more than standing still
At least I get a choice
Not to go
But this is worse
I am frozen
On fire
Burning
Crystalised
Set by stones
Pummelled
Punctured
Prone
To injury
I guess
We all have this flesh
It’s softer than you think
It hardly keeps us in
It’s purpose is to breathe
Not hold back battalions
I imagine that’s important
In the larger scheme
I wish a were an armadillo
All ‘arma’
No pillow
You’d need a password
To get me to unfurl
Something like
“It’s safe to come out”
Simple
Yet
Effective
We are so soft
All seams and cloth
It all gets in
It tears
It’s rough
God speed, Evolution
Make us tough
Until then
Is a long
Long
Time
The harm is done
So there’s none in trying
Dip a toe
Dip a toe
Dip a toe.

I am a visitor to this planet
I am a visitor to this body
I’ll float in and out like a radio show
Intangible, I’ll be forgotten.

I am a visitor to this planet
I am a visitor to this body
I’ll float in and out like a radio show
Intangible, I’ll be forgotten.

Wonder
Wonderful
Not so simple
Sometimes
When it comes 
It fills you full
How does this run?
Who runs us all?
Curious
We suffer this
Trouble kiss
I want to know
How can we be?
What makes us?
Just asking
Problem?
Talk to management
I just want to know
Were we made from planets
Big bang
Waterfalls?
How can we be
Complex and stale
Ruining
All that we hold
Dear to us
But curious
Makes us destroyers
Trust gets burned
And so it goes
Human nature
Drives us
Fruits and dangers tempt us
Explode
Pull the pin
Lock us in
We can’t be trusted
It’s obvious
Forgive us.

Wonder
Wonderful
Not so simple
Sometimes
When it comes
It fills you full
How does this run?
Who runs us all?
Curious
We suffer this
Trouble kiss
I want to know
How can we be?
What makes us?
Just asking
Problem?
Talk to management
I just want to know
Were we made from planets
Big bang
Waterfalls?
How can we be
Complex and stale
Ruining
All that we hold
Dear to us
But curious
Makes us destroyers
Trust gets burned
And so it goes
Human nature
Drives us
Fruits and dangers tempt us
Explode
Pull the pin
Lock us in
We can’t be trusted
It’s obvious
Forgive us.

I used to love all things ‘mystic’. Things you could not see, but existed by the faith that they did. Through some very realistic events, my mystical heart got broken and I could no longer believe in things that could not be proven. Science and fact became my bible. I am now fascinated with things that really do happen, just without our knowing. 
The brain. It is a universe unto it’s own. It is more unreal than the realest of things. I cannot believe how far the labyrinth of innate knowing goes, but I can believe in it. In the strangest twist of all, it is proving the mystical world to me. That every thing we do, every intention, every thought, affects our wellbeing. 
I lost the will to believe in the power of positive thinking. “What has happened in my life, that I can truly say came about through positive thought or visualisation?” How could I be sure? What was the use in expending energy into an unproven well of maybe? So, I let my mind go free. I stopped meditating. I allowed anything to grow and take hold. Any idea. Any thought. And they did. Weeds. Then vines. They made a jungle of errant impassable thoughts. A new city, but the roads were all tangled. I wasn’t going anywhere. Maybe I was even going backwards! I needed help, but I was tired. I was especially tired of help. I had seen every kind of magical healer that there was to see. Western, Eastern and Other. I had believed in many half-baked theories. They were not handed to me raw and inedible, but I digested them without proving them into full, realised facts. It was my handling of the gifts that I was given that rendered them ineffective. I treated them like superstitions. Rules unquestioned. I swallowed them without chewing.
The journey back has involved learning. I am doing research. I am working hard. I am finding my path. I am building this one with solid evidence. It is telling me that my mystics exist. They just have different names. Scientific ones. They are the same, I just needed to hear them in another language.

I used to love all things ‘mystic’. Things you could not see, but existed by the faith that they did. Through some very realistic events, my mystical heart got broken and I could no longer believe in things that could not be proven. Science and fact became my bible. I am now fascinated with things that really do happen, just without our knowing.
The brain. It is a universe unto it’s own. It is more unreal than the realest of things. I cannot believe how far the labyrinth of innate knowing goes, but I can believe in it. In the strangest twist of all, it is proving the mystical world to me. That every thing we do, every intention, every thought, affects our wellbeing.
I lost the will to believe in the power of positive thinking. “What has happened in my life, that I can truly say came about through positive thought or visualisation?” How could I be sure? What was the use in expending energy into an unproven well of maybe? So, I let my mind go free. I stopped meditating. I allowed anything to grow and take hold. Any idea. Any thought. And they did. Weeds. Then vines. They made a jungle of errant impassable thoughts. A new city, but the roads were all tangled. I wasn’t going anywhere. Maybe I was even going backwards! I needed help, but I was tired. I was especially tired of help. I had seen every kind of magical healer that there was to see. Western, Eastern and Other. I had believed in many half-baked theories. They were not handed to me raw and inedible, but I digested them without proving them into full, realised facts. It was my handling of the gifts that I was given that rendered them ineffective. I treated them like superstitions. Rules unquestioned. I swallowed them without chewing.
The journey back has involved learning. I am doing research. I am working hard. I am finding my path. I am building this one with solid evidence. It is telling me that my mystics exist. They just have different names. Scientific ones. They are the same, I just needed to hear them in another language.

We are metal
Inured by flame
Used to it, I guess
We are wildly tamed
Life hands us cards
And so we play
Really there’s no winning
It ceases to matter, at some stage
It’s okay.
It’s okay.
It’s okay.
We were given a name
Our starter pack
The tone in their voices 
As they call us
The timbre we’ve grown into
A sheen, a lustre
Leather and wood
Bone and hair
We are installations
In galleries that we share
See us slowly mutate
From experiences we’ve had
Clay in the kiln
Annealed under fire
Heated ordeals
Trades and compromise
We come together
Over harder times
Admiring our staunch
Belief to survive.

We are metal
Inured by flame
Used to it, I guess
We are wildly tamed
Life hands us cards
And so we play
Really there’s no winning
It ceases to matter, at some stage
It’s okay.
It’s okay.
It’s okay.
We were given a name
Our starter pack
The tone in their voices
As they call us
The timbre we’ve grown into
A sheen, a lustre
Leather and wood
Bone and hair
We are installations
In galleries that we share
See us slowly mutate
From experiences we’ve had
Clay in the kiln
Annealed under fire
Heated ordeals
Trades and compromise
We come together
Over harder times
Admiring our staunch
Belief to survive.

Every word
Is absorbed
Food and thought
Chemicals
Write the roads
Paths to tread
Be careful what you say
Cells are shaped
Molecules shake
Structures formed
Like pushing plates
Mountains, vales
The abyss
The lake
Be careful what you say
The map is made
But it can change
Even tattoos can go astray
Blue and green
Lines jump skin
Be careful what you say
Switch-a-roo
Switchboards connect
You are speaking 
Unknown caller collect
Random receiver
Mental caterwauler
Don’t even think that way
Be careful what you say
Blood congeals
And is let 
By your whipping
Fetid sweat
Rein it in
Every bead
Liquid poison
Be careful what you say
Everything
Is created 
Outside in
The soil, the spade
Arable land
Digging graves
Be careful what you say
Parables of better things
Seeds of hope
Rake it in
Arable land
A field within
Seize the day
Again and again
But be careful what you say
Catch them early
Budding vines
Before they bolt
Bonsai mind
Concentrate
Compact and clean
Aesthetically sleek
Intentionally lean
Every word, an acorn, then a tree
So be careful what you say.

Every word
Is absorbed
Food and thought
Chemicals
Write the roads
Paths to tread
Be careful what you say
Cells are shaped
Molecules shake
Structures formed
Like pushing plates
Mountains, vales
The abyss
The lake
Be careful what you say
The map is made
But it can change
Even tattoos can go astray
Blue and green
Lines jump skin
Be careful what you say
Switch-a-roo
Switchboards connect
You are speaking
Unknown caller collect
Random receiver
Mental caterwauler
Don’t even think that way
Be careful what you say
Blood congeals
And is let
By your whipping
Fetid sweat
Rein it in
Every bead
Liquid poison
Be careful what you say
Everything
Is created
Outside in
The soil, the spade
Arable land
Digging graves
Be careful what you say
Parables of better things
Seeds of hope
Rake it in
Arable land
A field within
Seize the day
Again and again
But be careful what you say
Catch them early
Budding vines
Before they bolt
Bonsai mind
Concentrate
Compact and clean
Aesthetically sleek
Intentionally lean
Every word, an acorn, then a tree
So be careful what you say.

Long-time love
It’s not easy
The heart can break
Like crackled china
Still holds together
But it beats with care
Tiny fractures
Wear, beware
If you’re looking for a medal
Get off your pedestal
There is no prize
No scale or measure
To a dedicated age old craft
You do it because you can’t stop
You love because you love to
You make it yours
That’s your reward
A ribbon, frayed and soft
No amulet hung from this strand
It barely holds itself
You stay because there’s always change
And that is all you ask
To never stay the same
To be new as a used guitar
Worn in well, like favourite shoes
That have taken the less favoured path
Comfortable is not a goal
You pass it on your way
Reaching out, expanding souls
It’s mecca every day
A pilgrimage for the broken and lost
The perfect way to be
Opened up and open to now
Is the long-time journey of love.

Long-time love
It’s not easy
The heart can break
Like crackled china
Still holds together
But it beats with care
Tiny fractures
Wear, beware
If you’re looking for a medal
Get off your pedestal
There is no prize
No scale or measure
To a dedicated age old craft
You do it because you can’t stop
You love because you love to
You make it yours
That’s your reward
A ribbon, frayed and soft
No amulet hung from this strand
It barely holds itself
You stay because there’s always change
And that is all you ask
To never stay the same
To be new as a used guitar
Worn in well, like favourite shoes
That have taken the less favoured path
Comfortable is not a goal
You pass it on your way
Reaching out, expanding souls
It’s mecca every day
A pilgrimage for the broken and lost
The perfect way to be
Opened up and open to now
Is the long-time journey of love.