‘30 somethings in 30 days’
Day 26 -
This ‘away’ time has encouraged a new element to my practice. In the past, I have been very private about my writing and even more so about my playing, as it’s quite a vulnerable state to be in for me. I have even kept it from my husband, for the most part! That was until I began this ‘30’ project. Due to the necessity of having to put out something every day, I have had to do away with shame and just pull out the guitar and be average and unsure in public. I have also found it difficult to concentrate in the past, but I think that was a confidence side-effect as well. Overall, I am finding it easier to create on the spot, without waiting for the perfect environment or the right time.
I dive deeper in a shorter amount of time, too. As I near the end of my ‘30’, I am noticing that I slip into the creative mode more easily. A good reason to continue with this beyond the month. It has definitely proven itself to deliver. I began early today, as I couldn’t be sure what the day would hold and I knew I should embrace any opportunity I got. It was a relief to skip all of my procrastinatory obstacles and just get down to it. I wrote a few pages in my poetry/lyric book.
Today seemed to focus around mortality and seizing the day. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen the movie ‘Big Fish’, but there is a recurring line spoken by the lead character who knows exactly how he is going to die. Whenever he gets into a tight situation that looks like it might spell the end for most mere men, he would calmly say, “This is not how I go”. I like to reference it myself in moments that seem doubtful or scare me. I did not come any kinds of croppers today, I just pondered my existence, as we do at times. It’s not a bad thing to occasionally have a look into your fears or just face the fact that you are a breakable thing and see what’s there. I wrote about cleansing the body of it’s poison with my pen.
Then back to the song I am working on… Have I already mentioned to you how much I am loving this song? I know I have, and yes, it’s the same song. I have taken to working on it every day. I tweak and tune it. It now has everything that a song requires, but I feel like I would like to go through it once more with a fine-tooth comb before I call it done. Today I found the key line, that I believe makes the chorus strong and gave it two more verses (that’s four in total). It has a bridge and a few repeating themes that vary just a little each time, both in the chords and the lyrics. I began with a whole lot of metaphors to do with balancing the scales. You can’t have love without pain, etc. A very heavy-handed lot of words. I have all but scrapped them and now it seems to be metaphors about being near death at any time (and you thought the first batch were heavy!) It is about love and how scary it is. Who would put themselves in a situation if it felt like that? No wonder we struggle.
Then I went to the beach via a rambling and demanding walking trail and dipped my hot head into the cool ocean. Yeah!
Are you asking any big questions of yourself right now? Do you like to look at those things that make you uncomfortable or would you rather stab yourself in the eye with a fork? I feel both things in equal measures (like looking and not looking, all forks aside). I guess that makes my quests a little perverse at times. So be it.
Ang x
